About 4 months ago, I opened a holistic healing practice. I noted on my website that I have particular interest in working with people who are experiencing faith changes or seeking care for religious trauma and/or abuse.
Over the next weeks and months, however, I haven’t spoken about these topics at all on my social media pages. I’ve posted about bodywork and somatic therapies, about emotional awareness, about relational attachment, trauma, neuroscience, and many other things, but I’ve been silent about healing surrounding faith and spirituality. When I noticed this about the content I’ve created and curated, I had to ask myself why. After all, my spiritual practice is immensely important to me, and my own long history with religion and faith communities (which I’ll share more about soon) has qualified me professionally and given me a ton of experience and street cred in navigating the intersections of faith, mental and emotional health, childhood trauma, religious cultures, family of origin stories, spiritual abuse, othering, binary thinking, community and belonging, etc. And out of all the areas that I feel competent to provide guidance and healing support, spiritual and religious trauma is likely where I have the longest experience and deepest passion. So why haven’t I talked about it more?
The question brought me face to face with the reality that I’ve been afraid to talk about this topic openly on the public social media forum.
In my head and heart, of course, it seems a lot more complicated than just “I am afraid.” There are logical or logistical factors for the fears to hide behind: lack of creative energy, distractions, my other job schedule, and so on, but those were just masking the real reasons. As I’ve grown and done my own inner work, I’ve found when I’m not being honest or showing up as my whole self, asking “what am I afraid of?” is a good way to start getting to the bottom of what’s underlying my choices and behaviors.
So I kept asking myself, “What am I afraid of?” and kept sifting through the dust and excuses and distractions until some of the more skittish and vulnerable truths showed up. Here are two things that have come up for me:
I’ve been afraid of accusations and discrediting from my former community: “You’re just bitter” (no matter how generously I try to tell the story). “You’re reacting” (no matter how emotionally level or moderate my content is). “Your perspective is skewed.” “You’re representing things unfairly.” And so on.
I’ve also been subconsciously afraid of the straight up hard work of re-learning how to write about spirituality in a new language and from a completely different standpoint than I did in the past. I’ll have to find my sea legs again, and there’s sure to be bumps, mishaps, and inelegance along the way.
So. Yeah. Fear. Never a fun thing to face down.
But here are two things I know:
Fear and Love don’t co-exist. When both are present in an environment, eventually one swallows the other. And I’ve made a pact with myself to side with Love. So whenever Fear shows up as a factor in my self-awareness, I go sit with Love and ask how Love would show up. I want to be brave enough to do that in this context too.
I do, in fact, want to show up in the world as someone who is safe and competent to walk alongside people who are experiencing the loneliness and heartbreak of a shifting spirituality. I don't want to be silent out of fear or laziness. Whether a person's journey entails a complete loss of their former faith, a changing perspective while staying within a religious community, the darkness and devastation of spiritual abuse, or any other permutation of spiritual evolution, I want to offer presence and kindness for people experiencing the trauma, misunderstanding, isolation, confusion, and grief that comes with a changing faith.
So here’s what I’m asking myself now and going to seek to respond to in real life over the coming weeks and months:
How would Love, as I am called to embody it within my humanity, show up on social media and talk about healing spiritual wounds and cultivating spiritual wholeness?
I’m going to show up with that (imperfectly and on a learning curve) here on this blog, as well as on my Instagram account and FB page. And if you ever want to reach out and schedule an individual appointment with me, whether in person or a virtual session, I’d love for you to reach out and connect with me about wherever you find yourself in your spiritual journey.
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